He's trying to save me from my biggest enemy....myself.
Welcome to the world of a closet binge eater. It's no different than being a closet alcoholic, or a closet gambler. These things that hold our hearts are causing us to live as slaves to our addictions.
Confession:
I eat all the time. When I am not eating, I think about eating. I sometimes wish my husband would leave the house so I can eat the contents of the refrigerator. I can't pass Dairy Queen or McDonald's without stopping for food.
I think it makes me happy, but I am the most miserable person I know. Food gives me a VERY temporary happiness. I mean, VERY temporary. Within minutes of eating, I am crying...for I have failed again. I have failed myself, my children, my husband...everyone.
Mostly, I have failed myself.
I have tried to come up with a list of reasons WHY food makes me unhappy...and here is the list:
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for my wedding.
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for my pregnancies.
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for summer, not wearing a swimsuit in over 10 years.
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for family photographs.
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for family gatherings.
Not enjoying a shopping trip for myself.
Not being able to leave the house without feeling self conscious.
Being constantly ashamed of my appearance.
Being paranoid that my attractive, and thin, husband is going to wake up and see me for what I really am....fat and ugly.
Being the fat girl everywhere I go.
Being horribly unhealthy and a bad example for my beautiful children.
Then I tried to come up with a list of reasons why food makes me happy:
It feeds an immediate desire to eat.
Yup. That's the ONE thing I could come up with, and that ONE reason has been winning the war for almost 10 years. I have been fat for 10 years too long, and with the help of God, NO MORE.
I weigh 230 pounds.
Step one:
ONE DAY on the Cambridge Plan. Why Cambridge? It's the plan that I need. I need total abstinence from food for a while, and I have talked to my doctor...and he agrees that this is my best course of action... for now. ONE DAY. ONE meal at a time. I can do this.
I have to do this.
God LOVES me, and he wants me to heal from this. Food is my idol, and my thought for the day is
1 Cor. 10: 13 & 14
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are temped, he will aslo provide you a way out so that you can stand up under it. THEREFORE, MY FRIENDS, FLEE FROM IDOLATRY."
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are temped, he will aslo provide you a way out so that you can stand up under it. THEREFORE, MY FRIENDS, FLEE FROM IDOLATRY."
Lord, help me. I can't do this alone.
Please know that I am right here with you every single step of the way! I am a food addict, and even though I've lost 90+ lbs, I have not been "cured". I still struggle every day, but it is getting easier.
ReplyDeleteRemember this too - that God will never give you more than you can bear, but He also gives you these challenges and struggles so that you draw nearer to Him. Lean on Him - He will fill you with the peace and love that food will never ever do.
Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I am here for you!!!
xo
Michelle
Wow! Everything you mentioned in your post (and I mean everything)is like you are describing me. Could you explain the Cambridge thing...I dont know what that is?
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best...I will be here rooting you on...hopefully loosing too!
(((Hugs)))
Alicia
Alicia,
ReplyDeleteStart at Caimbridge.org, and go to the last tab that says Diet Info.
It's a HARD diet, but basically you substitute food for shakes...kind of like slim fast, but Caimbridge has all of the nutrients necessary for survival...it *really is a complete replacement for food. It's only for those who are obese, and when you lose enough weight you add in a certain amount of calories.
Since I have an issue with not being able to stop eating once I start, I decided that this may be a good alternative for me. :)
here's the link: http://www.cambridgediet.com/
ReplyDeleteGod bless you on your weight loss journey. May He wrap His arms around you on good days and bad. We have an uncle who went on Cambridge and had great success with it. It seems like a good program.
ReplyDelete