Fail, and fail again

Why does food have such a hold on me? Why do I continue to do something that depresses me so much. Why do I cave in to something that makes me uncomfortable in my own skin? WHEN will I come to a point when I am able to put this behind me?

I need to lean on my Creator.

I need to be obedient.

I need to love myself.

I need and covet your prayers.

SSS'es A "Recipe" for Success...

Well, considering I am a compulsive over eater, and starting my recovery...a regular old recipe did not seem appropriate. I know there are MANY of you in the same boat, so I wanted to share what I am doing in order to take my recovery DAY by DAY.

Having a meal plan is the easy part. Come on....us fatties KNOW what's good and what's bad, we are overweight, not stupid. Choosing a diet plan can be hard due to all of the choices, but I don't believe that there is a right or wrong answer when it comes to eating, as long as we are eating LESS than we were prior, and we make an attempt to move more.

This is not about meal plans. This is about my SSS'es.

Sincere effort
Support
Supplication

Sincere Effort: First, WE CAN NOT expect that this will be an easy journey. God is not a genie in a bottle, and our prayers are not like wishes. We don't get a free pass. WE over ate, WE did not regard our bodies as the temples that they are, and WE have to work HARD to win the battle. There is no pill, no diet, that will make this an *easy* journey...and any one, or any product that leads you to believe otherwise is deceitful.

Deut. 8: 6-7 ⁶ Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in his ways and revering him. ⁷ For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with streams and pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys and hills

Support: We were not meant to walk through our lives, or our faith, alone. Fellowship is one of THE most important parts of our walk with God. He made us as social creatures. It's why we have the ability to communicate. This journey is one that MUST be taken with a support group, otherwise you will most always fail. We NEED accountability, we NEED iron to sharpen iron.

Ecc. 4: 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Supplication: Most importantly, we need open communication with God. He yearns for us to LIVE! He GAVE us the most precious gifts, life, and life eternal. While eternal life will be perfect, we need to live our lives on Earth to the very fullest. That includes taking care of the bodies that God gave us...and let's be honest here, how much are you REALLY enjoying life if you are obese??? Some may be able to get past it....but I know I can't. I am miserable...and that is most certainly NOT the Lord's will. He will NOT GIVE US A BURDEN THAT IS TO HEAVY TO CARRY!!!!!!! We MUST go to him in prayer WHENEVER we need him.

James 5: 13-15 ¹³Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. ¹⁴Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.

So, this is my "recipe" for success. I am just starting out, but I will be relying on these simple principles to keep me on track of my meal plans, and to help lift my spirits in times of trials, and temptations.

God's been knocking at the door of my heart...

I have been ignoring the knock. He wants me to heal. HE knows I am miserable. He knows me more than anyone...more than myself.

He's trying to save me from my biggest enemy....myself.

Welcome to the world of a closet binge eater. It's no different than being a closet alcoholic, or a closet gambler. These things that hold our hearts are causing us to live as slaves to our addictions.

Confession:

I eat all the time. When I am not eating, I think about eating. I sometimes wish my husband would leave the house so I can eat the contents of the refrigerator. I can't pass Dairy Queen or McDonald's without stopping for food.

I think it makes me happy, but I am the most miserable person I know. Food gives me a VERY temporary happiness. I mean, VERY temporary. Within minutes of eating, I am crying...for I have failed again. I have failed myself, my children, my husband...everyone.

Mostly, I have failed myself.

I have tried to come up with a list of reasons WHY food makes me unhappy...and here is the list:

Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for my wedding.
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for my pregnancies.
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for summer, not wearing a swimsuit in over 10 years.
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for family photographs.
Being fat, and therefore unhappy with my appearance for family gatherings.
Not enjoying a shopping trip for myself.
Not being able to leave the house without feeling self conscious.
Being constantly ashamed of my appearance.
Being paranoid that my attractive, and thin, husband is going to wake up and see me for what I really am....fat and ugly.
Being the fat girl everywhere I go.
Being horribly unhealthy and a bad example for my beautiful children.

Then I tried to come up with a list of reasons why food makes me happy:
It feeds an immediate desire to eat.

Yup. That's the ONE thing I could come up with, and that ONE reason has been winning the war for almost 10 years. I have been fat for 10 years too long, and with the help of God, NO MORE.

I weigh 230 pounds.

Step one:
ONE DAY on the Cambridge Plan. Why Cambridge? It's the plan that I need. I need total abstinence from food for a while, and I have talked to my doctor...and he agrees that this is my best course of action... for now. ONE DAY. ONE meal at a time. I can do this.

I have to do this.

God LOVES me, and he wants me to heal from this. Food is my idol, and my thought for the day is

1 Cor. 10: 13 & 14
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are temped, he will aslo provide you a way out so that you can stand up under it. THEREFORE, MY FRIENDS, FLEE FROM IDOLATRY."

Lord, help me. I can't do this alone.